Ok, so I am trying to be silly, but really sometimes it is a bit of a dilemma. I was raised in a pretty competitive family; we were expected to do our best and there was a lot of natural competition within us... and it seemed that nothing was ever quite good enough... unfortunately. So I am not really sure how much of my "nature" is really nature versus nurture. I really am not sure if I am naturally competitive, or if it is just really well learned behavior. But it is definitely there. And sometimes it makes me really uncomfortable.The dilemma with a "competitive nature" is really one of balance. I think it is healthy to want to strive to do one's best in anything....but it is also important to appreciate where you are right now, in this moment. So sometimes it is a fine line; work towards improvement, but enjoy the present. I try. And mostly I succeed, actually. But there are still moments where I feel a very uncomfortable stirring of competitive jealousy (or envy - even when I look up definitions, I get the two words confused....), and that bothers me. I strive to be a cooperative and caring person, and I don't want to take anything away from anyone else... I just want it for myself as well! And I admit that I am not immune to my competitive stirrings, and sometimes it is difficult for me to make peace with them.
As a parent, I have discovered an even greater challenge; and that is of making peace with my Mama-Bear nature. It absolutely goes together, and honestly is the catalyst for this writing... one of my greatest challenges since I've become a parent is finding the balance between being proud of my kids and recognizing that they aren't going to win lots of awards in this life, and that is actually mostly a good thing because we all need to find our self-worth from inside. For some reason, I have too often looked externally for validation.... and hopefully I can help my kids to not suffer the same fate.So I am working at making peace with my own competitive nature. I cannot erase my past or my social conditioning or my basic nature, but I can make peace with it. I am not complacent, but hopefully I can keep from beating myself up for not being "better" (and be forgiving of myself when I fall short on that too!). It is important for me to remember that if I compare myself to others there is always someone "better". But truly, there is no one better at being me. And I may want to be a "better" me in various aspects, but even then there is no better "me" right now.
So there you have it. Wish me luck. :)
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